sharing my thoughts

What is happening with me? The more I look for myself, the more blurred vision I get. Whenever I try to figure things out, the more confusion I get. The more I trt to have a grip of what I want to be, the more uncertainties I get. But then, after realizing these things, there's always one thing I would ask from you Lord. That You will be with me. That wahatever will happen in my life in this lifetime, You would always guide me and lead the way wherever life would take me. That's the only assurance I need. Just that Lord and I will be comforted. (01-19-2010) / 16:00

I was reminded this morning that we, Filipino Christians have so many brothers and sisters all over the world who have the same faith, who believes with the same God we believe in yet do not enjoy the same freedom as we do. How lucky are we to be in a community where we are free to utter every words of praise for our Lord God! I just realized, I was privileged with this kind of freedom and yet most of the time I ignore it. I've kept this freedom and kept the word of God in me. I can't even remember when was the last time I shared Jesus? Was it because I'm selfish? or I'm too numb to feel other people's longing for Jesus? Why am I like this? This is embarrassing! Lord forgive me for I have not been a good Christian.

...I should have stayed. Maybe we could have settled things. i should have calmed myself and cleared my mind before i talked to you. i should have thought of the consequence that giving you up means letting you drip out of my life. But then, if i did not do it, i wouldn't realize how important you are. i wouldn't understand that a relationship is not merely satisfying each other but more importantly sharing your life and yourself with each other. But I failed. I did not understand. I'm sorry. (01-20-2010)

Last night i dreamed of you. I mean i had a dream and you were there. At first we are not talking. But after a moment of silence we began kissing each other and we started asking "what happened?" We asked why our relationship ended that way. Then we began confessing, clearing things between us. Then i woke up.

Isn't it ironic? I dreamed of you on the 26th of this month. Our day. Does this mean something? It was also last night that i realized I could admire other guys but still at the end of the day I would still choose you. That despite of the attraction i have with other guys, it's still you whom i would want to kiss, to hold and to love all over again. Is this too much? Am i not facing the truth that we have separate ways already? Last night i really thought it was true. Your kiss, your voice, your touch, they all seemed real to me. i really thought you were with me. But sadly, it was just a dream. (01-27-2010) / 09:20

No matter how much we struggle in this life, God will give us peace deep in our hearts. Peace that will make us go on. Peace that will make us live life.

The caregroup chat that we had just this lunch gave me the assurance that God had given me peace. And I have that peace right now. That in the midst of my solidarity, God is with me. That I am not lacking of anything. And that God hears and listens to my prayers. And all these prayers will be answered in God's time. Timely and perfect. (01-28-2010) / 13:15