provider

An hour ago i was in MOA with a guy friend (or that's what i just want him to be, simply a friend. I met him through my former classmate and also a friend of mine. That time i thought i am already decided to leave all the past behind. so i agreed with my friend that i should go out and meet someone else. So we've met. He was suppose to introduce me to someone else, but he told me later that he got interested to me.) who just arrrive from bicol to arrange another wedding transaction. He invited me out yesterday to meet him today. I said yes. We dine in a japanese restaurant (i mean he dined there, i dont feel like eating so i told him to order for himself, i just asked for an iced tea) and had a few chat about our lives. He told me again that he is interested to me and interested in marrying me. Then i was speechless (not because i was surprised but because i remembered a promise i've made to someone and a promise i've made with God). I look somewhere else and realized i dont want marriage or any of his offers. I made a promise to someone that he will be the last guy on earth that i will love and the only one who can touch me intimately with love and passion. I promised God that if ever i will be needing any help, i wont run to people without asking to Him first. All these years, God never left me unanswered. He always made things possible. Despite of my family's poor situation, all members is good and well. Though we are struggling to make both ends meet, we're still able to send to school two college students, and another highschool and elementary student. So i asked myself while staring to my good friend that time, "What else can i ask for?". Haven't God showed me what He can do and gave me more than enough of what i've prayed for ten years ago? Finally i was able to think what to say to my friend. I just simply told him i'm not yet ready to enter to a new relationship and i'll just help him find a wife. Funny, he just laughed. Then he asked me if we can go out again tomorrow. I declined the offer. He asked me to go to a cruise somewhere in May, i said i will think of it. He said he wants to buy me a gift, i said no. He wants to give me money to pay for my fare i told him i can pay.

While typing the letters here, i just realized, i'm not thrilled of new things anymore, i'm not thrilled of gifts. I wonder why. Lately, i have lots of realization about changes in my life. But one thing did not change, i still do appreciate good chat and new friends, but not an intimate relationship.